One hour to go. One hour. I’d make it to the hotel. I’d unload the car. . . by myself I might add which is something I hate to do. I’d climb into bed and read and check email and do all the things.

But then the DETOUR sign loomed ahead and I was shuttled off the road onto an exit ramp. My GPS was screaming GO LEFT! GO LEFT! GO LEFT! But the detour sign pointed RIGHT. What to do? Total confusion. I pulled to the side and tried to find the map on my phone and figure out what in the world. The sign names for the towns all looked familiar. . .Chanute, Humboldt, Thayer. Names I had grown up hearing my grandparents refer to. But I was clueless as to which came first or next or behind. You get the point. Confusion.

Meanwhile a white sedan pulled up next to me with an older man in the driver’s seat who rolled down the window. I did the same. Cause what else do you do? He proceeded to ask me if I was confused. Why, yes, I am. And then told me about a round about way to get me back on the road without taking this “nonsense detour.” Apparently, he has seen countless travelers pulled off the road at this point trying to figure out what to do. Of course  the Minnesota tags were a dead giveaway that I wasn’t from around there. He got out of his car and came and talked to me and I smiled and nodded and smelled the cigar smoke on him and tried not to think of serial killers and kidnappers and such. Tried. But was not necessarily successful. I mean we were kinda out in the middle of nowhere. .  . but he seemed nice and so I went with that.

After telling me to get back on the closed road, go to the next exit, turn right, speed is 45 so don’t go over it because THEY are watching, turn left and go three miles, turn left again and I’d be right back on the road. . . he looked pleased with himself. I thanked him profusely while thinking of ways I could go the MARKED detour way without him spying me and hurting his feelings. But then he sped off so I was free to do whatever. I’m not a rules breaker so the thought of getting on that closed road was tough but not insurmountable. So I went right around the detour signs and the big orange fence things and sailed down the road like a boss.

I turned right and went 45 mpg on the dot. I turned left. But then three miles, four miles, five miles. Um there is a problem. I’m out in the Kansas farmland without a clue where I am, my GPS is going nuts and it is getting dark. Then it happened. JOY. Pure, unadulterated JOY. A surge of complete and utter happiness bolted through my body and I laughed. I opened the sun roof and rolled down the window with the 90 degree heat blasting in my face and the crickets and cicadas going crazy in the trees and the cows and the corn and the hay and it was GLORIOUS. I was lost. SO very very lost. And I loved every minute of it. I didn’t want it to end.

But it did. The guy was right about this off the beaten road path, although his mileage was off. . .and so eventually I found highway 169 and when I passed the sign that said “Fredonia” I knew I was in the right place. 45 minutes later I pulled into the hotel. I’m in bed thinking about the adventure. Thinking my husband will not be happy with me taking directions from a friendly man at a stop sign in nowhere Kansas (but I don’t think he even knows I have a blog so chances are it’s all good.)

Here is the thing. I felt held. Barreling down the road and maybe singing Country Roads very off-key- not saying I did but maybe- listening to the night sounds and twilight coming. No fear. Just held.

It’s been a long year in my life. A hard year. One that will forever be etched in my soul with an indescribable pain that is beginning to dull just a bit. Yet, God has shown me in a million ways that He is here. Working in the midst. Loving me when I didn’t feel loveable and sending people to remind me of His love. But tonight I felt different. . . a joy and happiness I haven’t felt in a long time. An abandonment to whatever life He has before me.

And mostly, I felt held.

Praying that if you are in a place that is painful, that you will see in so many ways how He is loving you in the midst. How He is working on your behalf. And may you feel held.